A Friendships death

So many times I have seen friendships die, but then it comes to me and I am stunned that I have had two friendships that have died. It feels horrible that the two people that I considered closest to me are really gone. I am still really smarting from this even though it has been close to six months. These girls were my rocks, the poeple that kept me grounded when I needed to be, my secret keepers, and my confidence boosters. 
It's hard to deal with it. I guess if you have ever lost a friendship, you know exactly what I mean. I guess I was blind to their true colors until my wedding. I picked people that I was close to to be a part of things and instead they were absent. h, they were there physically, but they were absent. And yes, damn it, I am bitter. I am bitter that I never recieved a bridal shower from my friends. I am bitter that I never recieved a bachelorete party. I am bitter damn it.
I am bitter that neither of them has called to ask if I am ok about things. Am I ok that I lost my job? Am I ok with the miscarriage? Am I ok in general?
How does that even work? I call and leave messages and yet no one gets back to me. I try and set up times to see them, and oh no they are too busy. I am talking about friendships that are new either. I have known these people for a long amount of time.
And I hate the fact that I worry about this, but it hurts. Living in a small town with not many people in my boat is hard. It's hard to make friends here. I don't open up easily and this is tiring.

I needed to vent all of that out. I am sorry.

A dream and a goal wrapped into one

There are so many people out there who hope to make a difference with their lives and I am no different. I hope just like everyone else out there to make a difference. I am unsure how I hope to accomplish this goal, I have become a teacher, which I hope helps a little, but I am unsure.
I am unsure of so many things. All I know is that someday when I die, I want to know that I am leaving something behind besides my children. I want to leave behind an inspiration, a change even.
The changes that I would like to make are big. The imapct that I make is something that I would like to be felt.
I hope that this is my destiny.......

A newbie and a book series

This whole blogging world is brand new to me, but I am going to give this whole thing a try. I have a free summer and figured why not. I can use this as my personal journal and write down some of the recipes that people have been begging me for.
Currently I am a little bit of a lost soul. I lost my teaching job a few weeks ago, due to the district not knowing how to handle their money, and now things seem just weird. I know that I could use a better word for it, but weird is the best way to describe it. I loved teaching, I mean really loved it. So where am I going from here? Who knows. The district that I worked for is going to be going through their financial process, so I may have a job again... I applied to teach at a few private schools (which I really do not want to go to) and things are just up in the air. It has just been eating at me that I don't know where I will be come August, but I guess that is part of the profession, but I swear if I have to deal with this for a few more years I will have ulcers. It is seriously that simple.

Alright dramatic change of topic....
I love to read. I am an official nerd. I adore Harry Potter. Okay now that that is out of the way I can talk about what I am reading now. I am on the third book of the series Fifty Shades of Grey and loving it. So I am not a freak, I promise, but these books are alluring. They make me blush as I sit on the couch with my gigantic dogs reading away. And yet at time I find myself smiling or even laughing out loud at the banter that goes between the characters. Now though I am finding myself not telling my mom to read this, I tell my mom to read everything I have, but I blush at her when she asks all about what I am reading. Still I am adoring this series. I cannot seem to put it down and am drawn to it. I think that I need a bookclub.

Enough jibber jabber for today. I have a day to tackle and a wonderful lunch date with a dear friend.