A Sappy Love Story

As I was laying in bed last night, trying so hard to fall asleep, I looked over and there laying next to me is my husband. He was gently snoring and it made me smile. I thought back on it all and here is how our story began ....

Four years ago I broke up with a boyfriend and I was devastated. I thought that this guy was the one, he was supposed to be my prince charming, instead he ended up being the guy who looks like prince charming, but actually is the villian. Yet here I need to be honset, neither of us was the perfect person, in fact we had begun seeing other people while being in a relationship with each other. It was a horrible mess and I was heart broken. I was lucky at the same time though, since the two dogs that we had bought together remained with me. Those boys are my kids and I was willing to fight to keep them, but after many heated arguements he saw reason and left them with me.
In my heart break I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror. Who was that girl? When did she start caring more about him and what he thought then about her? What happened to her? When did she start thinking that it as okay to become someone who slept around and drank until things were blurry? And so my journey to find me began. My sole purpose each day became doing the things that I wanted to do and giving my kids the time that they deserved, thus I started going to the dog park.
I read books, watched movies, and hung out with friends that I hadn't seen in far too long, and journeyed to the dog park so that the kids could get some excersize and I could be around other people that just loved dogs.
My journey to the dog park took on a new purpose the day that I saw a handsome man there. He had a beautiful dog that always seemed to gravitate towards me and my Pitbull always seemed to gravitate towards him. I didn't think much of it until this started to happen on a pretty regualr basis. We would always arrive around the same time and shortly after one left the other would. I couldn't seem to put my finger on why my dog liked this guy so much, I mean I knew he would throw the ball around and pet him, but there were a ton of other people willing to do the same exact thing. So what made him special?
As I entered the dog park one day I saw that the small table that occupies the dog park was full of women lamenting about breakups, and immediately I joined the conversation. It felt nice to be around some other women who felt angry and just wanted to complain. So there I sat listening and interjecting my two cents every once and a while. Eventually the ladies started to leave and here comes that guy! Why in the world would he want to sit down and listen to women bash his sex? I mean come on buddy. Yet he sat down and listened, and then the most ironic things happened, he looked right at me and told me " You just haven't met the right one yet". This is totally true, I could not make this up if I tried.
I was taken aback by that, but also charmed a little at the same time. And man was he handsome. I mean he made me have that googley eyed face. I sat just stariing at him while the other women talked and said their goodbyes. Suddenly I found myself longing for this stranger to ask me to dinner, I wanted to get to know him, I had to get to know him. So there I sat like an idiot hinting that I really wanted Chinese food. And there he sat being dense. He told me to get take out or to go out to dinner by myself, after I had said no to those two options, he said that he could also go for some Chinese food and that we should go together. In my head I thought "Is there something wrong with this guy? I gave him so many hints, can anyone be that dumb?" I went with it and agreed to go out to dinner with him.
As he pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex I couldn't help but think, "He is so good looking and that's what he drives?" He pulled up in a small white truck with a horribly rusted lumber rack attached. Oh lord, this should be interesting. I climbed into the car only to notice that it was covered in dirt, great. As we headed down town we talked and I found that I was interested in everything he had to say. I was having a meaningful conversation with dog park guy.
Dinner was wonderful and I had a wonderful time. I couldn't believe that dog park guy was so great. As he dropped me off he asked if it would be alright if he saw me again (umm Hell Yes) and we arrainged another date for the following night. I walked into my apartment and called my mom. This guy has something that I had never seen before, he has got to be different. And so our second date come around. I found that he lived close to me and met him at his apartment so that he could cook me dinner. It was no gourmet meal, let me assure you. It was chicken and rice, the old campbells stand by recipe, and it was horrible. Don't get me wrong, I like the dish, but the rice wasn't cooked. He had tried though, and it made my heart swell. After talking all through dinner the TV was turned on to watch a horrible movie, and I found myself not wanting to leave. I was comfortable around dog park guy and he made me laugh. The movie ended and we did have to say goodbye and after telling him that this was ridiculous and he really should kiss me he did, and I can honestly say that sparks flew. I got into my car all dreamy eyed and speechless and started my drive home.
At the red light outside of his apartment complex I looked up to the sky. I begged my grandmother to make this guy worth it, to make him someone special.
That was four years ago this summer and I can't even tell you how much I have met my match. Although we may have a large gap in age (14 years to be exact) I cannot even begin to tell you how perfect he is for me. He may not have a six pack, but he has the most compassionate personailty of anyone I have ever met. He may not have a ton of money, but he loves me more than life. I can finally say that I did find my prince charming, and no he didn't arrive on a white horse, instead it was a small white truck with a rusty lumber rack.

Too much time to think....

I am a teacher, it's what I do. I love teaching and I always will, but in the summer time I am given the opportunity to over analyze and over think everything.
I am not a big crier, I never have been. Deaths have taken place and I don't shed a tear. Yet, since December this has seemed to have changed. For example a few days ago I sat down and cried, and I mean a good all out water works cry. Why you ask? Well let me inform you.
I had a miscarriage in December, right over Christmas to be exact. I'll be honest, I didn't even know I was pregnant yet. I didn't tell any family or even my husband (considering his birthday is the day after Christmas). Suddenly I was put into this really weird place of shock, I could have been a mom. For all of you wondering, I did not terminate the pregnancy, I would love to be a mom. Then the other day I started thinking what if that was a sign? ( I know I totally over think things). I wonder if that means that I am not supposed to be a mom? Maybe I am supposed to just be a teacher and love the students that I get instead of my own child. I don't know.
Yet, here I am sitting on the couch crying my eyes out, because I think that I am not meant to have that experience. And when the hubby asks whats wrong, how in the world am I supposed to tell him that? Here I go again with the thinking too much.
I dealt with the whole situation alone. My husband knew that I had miscarried, but we chose to keep it between us. I let my mom know and a few "friends", but it was all me. The tears that I cried and the physical pain was all me. No one asked if I was alright. I am still not alright. I will get through the whole thing though, I have to right? Alright enough of the complaining and the sob story, geesh.
I just needed to get it out. I am sorry to those of you who may feel offended that I did not share this information, it was a personal decision and I hope that you can respect that.

A Friendships death

So many times I have seen friendships die, but then it comes to me and I am stunned that I have had two friendships that have died. It feels horrible that the two people that I considered closest to me are really gone. I am still really smarting from this even though it has been close to six months. These girls were my rocks, the poeple that kept me grounded when I needed to be, my secret keepers, and my confidence boosters. 
It's hard to deal with it. I guess if you have ever lost a friendship, you know exactly what I mean. I guess I was blind to their true colors until my wedding. I picked people that I was close to to be a part of things and instead they were absent. h, they were there physically, but they were absent. And yes, damn it, I am bitter. I am bitter that I never recieved a bridal shower from my friends. I am bitter that I never recieved a bachelorete party. I am bitter damn it.
I am bitter that neither of them has called to ask if I am ok about things. Am I ok that I lost my job? Am I ok with the miscarriage? Am I ok in general?
How does that even work? I call and leave messages and yet no one gets back to me. I try and set up times to see them, and oh no they are too busy. I am talking about friendships that are new either. I have known these people for a long amount of time.
And I hate the fact that I worry about this, but it hurts. Living in a small town with not many people in my boat is hard. It's hard to make friends here. I don't open up easily and this is tiring.

I needed to vent all of that out. I am sorry.

A dream and a goal wrapped into one

There are so many people out there who hope to make a difference with their lives and I am no different. I hope just like everyone else out there to make a difference. I am unsure how I hope to accomplish this goal, I have become a teacher, which I hope helps a little, but I am unsure.
I am unsure of so many things. All I know is that someday when I die, I want to know that I am leaving something behind besides my children. I want to leave behind an inspiration, a change even.
The changes that I would like to make are big. The imapct that I make is something that I would like to be felt.
I hope that this is my destiny.......

A newbie and a book series

This whole blogging world is brand new to me, but I am going to give this whole thing a try. I have a free summer and figured why not. I can use this as my personal journal and write down some of the recipes that people have been begging me for.
Currently I am a little bit of a lost soul. I lost my teaching job a few weeks ago, due to the district not knowing how to handle their money, and now things seem just weird. I know that I could use a better word for it, but weird is the best way to describe it. I loved teaching, I mean really loved it. So where am I going from here? Who knows. The district that I worked for is going to be going through their financial process, so I may have a job again... I applied to teach at a few private schools (which I really do not want to go to) and things are just up in the air. It has just been eating at me that I don't know where I will be come August, but I guess that is part of the profession, but I swear if I have to deal with this for a few more years I will have ulcers. It is seriously that simple.

Alright dramatic change of topic....
I love to read. I am an official nerd. I adore Harry Potter. Okay now that that is out of the way I can talk about what I am reading now. I am on the third book of the series Fifty Shades of Grey and loving it. So I am not a freak, I promise, but these books are alluring. They make me blush as I sit on the couch with my gigantic dogs reading away. And yet at time I find myself smiling or even laughing out loud at the banter that goes between the characters. Now though I am finding myself not telling my mom to read this, I tell my mom to read everything I have, but I blush at her when she asks all about what I am reading. Still I am adoring this series. I cannot seem to put it down and am drawn to it. I think that I need a bookclub.

Enough jibber jabber for today. I have a day to tackle and a wonderful lunch date with a dear friend.