So many times I have seen friendships die, but then it comes to me and I am stunned that I have had two friendships that have died. It feels horrible that the two people that I considered closest to me are really gone. I am still really smarting from this even though it has been close to six months. These girls were my rocks, the poeple that kept me grounded when I needed to be, my secret keepers, and my confidence boosters.
It's hard to deal with it. I guess if you have ever lost a friendship, you know exactly what I mean. I guess I was blind to their true colors until my wedding. I picked people that I was close to to be a part of things and instead they were absent. h, they were there physically, but they were absent. And yes, damn it, I am bitter. I am bitter that I never recieved a bridal shower from my friends. I am bitter that I never recieved a bachelorete party. I am bitter damn it.
I am bitter that neither of them has called to ask if I am ok about things. Am I ok that I lost my job? Am I ok with the miscarriage? Am I ok in general?
How does that even work? I call and leave messages and yet no one gets back to me. I try and set up times to see them, and oh no they are too busy. I am talking about friendships that are new either. I have known these people for a long amount of time.
And I hate the fact that I worry about this, but it hurts. Living in a small town with not many people in my boat is hard. It's hard to make friends here. I don't open up easily and this is tiring.
I needed to vent all of that out. I am sorry.
Friendships come, friendships go. All you can control is the type of friend YOU are. These people are your age, maybe younger, so they are discovering life or uncharted areas of life that you may have already sailed through. Perhaps they don't feel you have much in common with them any more and they may be right. You're married, finished your schooling, had a real job, are part of the real world. I've lost friendship and yes, it does hurt particularly when you don't understand or realize why. It is part of life. I don't have friends in my age group; I have a bunch of acquaintances who are significantly older than I am. Living in a community of seniors where everyone else is older or much older than I am is tough. Remember, when one door closes another window opens.
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